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Are You a Saver or a Spender? Financial Planning for Engaged Couples With Different Money Mindsets

, CFP®, CLU®

07/02/2023

4 minutes

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When two people with different ideas about money and investing get engaged, financial planning can become a delicate issue. For example, if one is a saver and the other is a spender, how you handle money can become a source of conflict. In fact, money and finances are often one of the most-cited sources of tension in a marriage—according to an American Psychological Association (APA) survey, almost one-third of American adults with partners reported money as a major source of conflict in their relationship.

When getting married, it's essential to approach potential sources of stress with open communication, mutual respect, and a shared vision for the future. The following strategies and tips can help engaged couples with divergent money mindsets harmoniously merge their financial lives and build a strong foundation for their future together.

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Woman makes a purchase from her vehicle.


5 Common Financial Issues for Couples

Married couples often encounter various financial issues, leading to disagreements and arguments. While these issues may vary from couple to couple, several common financial topics tend to cause conflict. Here are some of the most prevalent financial problems that married couples argue about:

1. Budgeting and Spending Habits

Differences in budgeting and spending habits can create tension within a marriage. Disagreements may arise when one partner is more frugal and inclined to save while the other tends to spend more freely. According to a survey by the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants (AICPA), 73% of couples cited money management and spending as the most common cause of conflict in their relationships.

2. Debt and Financial Obligations

Disagreements over debt and financial obligations, such as student loans, credit card debt, or mortgages, can also strain a marriage. Clashes may occur when partners have different attitudes toward debt repayment or struggle with financial burdens. According to a recent study by Ramsey Solutions, 41% of couples who have debt say they argue about money—and it’s what they argue about the most.

3. Financial Goals and Priorities

Differences in financial goals and priorities can create discord between spouses. Disagreements may arise when partners have conflicting visions for short-term and long-term financial objectives, such as retirement savings, purchasing a home, or funding education. In fact, mismatched financial priorities is a leading cause of arguing in relationships.

4. Income Discrepancies & Unequal Financial Contributions

Significant disparities in income can lead to conflicts regarding financial responsibilities and decision-making. Unequal earning power may create feelings of imbalance or resentment, affecting financial planning and allocation of resources.

Additionally, disagreements can arise when partners have unequal financial contributions to the household. Disparities in income or financial responsibilities can lead to debates about fairness and the division of financial obligations.

5. Lack of Communication and Financial Infidelity

A lack of open communication about finances and instances of financial infidelity (such as hiding purchases or secret accounts) can erode trust and lead to conflict in a marriage. A poll from the NEFE revealed that two in five Americans admitted to financial infidelity against their partner, with 85% stating that indiscretion affected the relationship in some way.

How to Bridge the Gap and Build a Strong Financial Future

Financial issues can strain a marriage, and couples must understand and address these issues proactively. Open communication, mutual respect, and compromise are essential in resolving financial conflicts and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Seeking professional guidance, such as couples' financial counseling or consulting a financial advisor, can also be beneficial in navigating these challenges. Couples can work together to build a solid financial foundation and strengthen their bond by addressing financial issues head-on.

1. Open and Honest Communication

The first step in navigating financial planning for engaged couples with different money mindsets is understanding each other's perspectives through open and honest communication. Each partner should state their beliefs, values, and experiences related to money and investing. Engage in regular, open conversations about money, focusing on active listening and understanding each other's viewpoints. Discuss your financial goals, aspirations, fears, and past experiences. Create a safe space for sharing, and be receptive to your partner's concerns and desires. This understanding will foster empathy and create a foundation for compromise and collaboration.

2. Identify Common Financial Goals

While you may have different approaches to money, finding common ground and establishing shared financial goals is essential. Identify what matters most to both of you—saving for a down payment on a home, planning for retirement, or funding future education. Identifying common objectives will help you prioritize and align your financial strategies.

3. Compromise and Find Balance

Finding a middle ground is crucial when two individuals have divergent money mindsets. Seek compromises that honor both partners' values. For example, if one partner prefers aggressive investing while the other is more conservative, consider a portfolio that combines both approaches. The compromise allows each partner to feel heard and respected while ensuring a balanced approach to financial planning.

4. Establish a Joint Budget

Creating a joint budget is essential to ensure financial transparency and accountability. Combine your income, expenses, and savings goals to develop a budget that works for both partners. Be flexible and adjust as needed to accommodate individual preferences while maintaining shared financial responsibilities.

5. Separate and Joint Accounts

Consider a combination of separate and joint accounts. Maintaining individual accounts can provide financial autonomy and a sense of personal ownership. Simultaneously, having joint accounts for shared expenses and savings promotes transparency and joint responsibility.

6. Continual Learning and Compromise

Financial planning is an ongoing process. Embrace the idea of continual learning and adaptation. Attend financial workshops together, read books on personal finance, and discuss new concepts and strategies. Regularly revisit your financial plan, adjusting as needed to accommodate evolving goals and circumstances.

7. Seek Professional Guidance

Consider engaging a financial advisor to provide objective advice and help bridge the gap between differing perspectives. Wealth Enhancement Group financial advisors have decades of experience working with couples and can facilitate discussions, provide expert insights, and create a tailored financial plan that addresses both partners' concerns.

Financial planning as an engaged couple requires open communication, understanding, compromise, and a shared vision for the future. By actively listening, seeking common ground, and working towards shared goals, couples can harmoniously merge their financial lives. Reach out to a Wealth Enhancement Group advisor today to get started on the path toward building a strong financial future.

Senior Vice President, Financial Advisor

Fulton, MD

 Brian has been in financial services since 2002, focusing on retirement planning, investments and insurance protection for individuals and families. He also has a special interest in assisting individuals who work in the public sector.

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